Lapse in Survival: A Bad Day

CW: Depression, SAD, PTSD

Hot Tarmac spits through the air. Aching into the noses and mouths of the creatures pounding it to submit. 

Keep pushing on. 
You must survive.

I've been pretty good lately. Ambitious, creative, proactive. I've been smiling and I've been fine.
Today, though, is a bad day. A grey day in the sweltering July sun. 

I've felt it coming; these past two days have been overcast. I don't mean the weather, in this all-consuming heatwave. The weather is bright. My mind is not. 
I look okay, really. A slightly sullen face. Yet inside, I feel deadpan, like I'm in a dark comedy - without the comedy.
Even my hands are slow. The words fatigued and solid. I'm weighted - there's a rusty anchor at the base of my spine. My legs are rotting trees. 

I'm in a park, the sun is shining families are laughing. The flashes of nightmares dance distortedly behind my eyes as I look at the beauty of a lake. 

It's hot, I wear shorts, I am afraid of men. 
Their eyes, like the eyes of the men who did bad things to me. 
I am tired. I want to sleep. 

But Summer is my favourite time of year. Are they taking that from me too?