Those words live in my body. Those words live

Content warning: sexual harassment, emotional abuse

The men stare at my body whilst I walk through the shopping centre talking to you about boundaries 

Your trespassing of my space

Of my body 

The heat is blazing down on me now

And I feel the sweat trickle down my chest into my cleavage

The glares of men intensify 

My beads of sweat their focal point 

They trace my body with their eyes 

You ask me why I sound so       distant 

I am exhausted,

   From the heat

And from giving you a step by step guide as to how to care for me 

How to care for a person without causing them harm 

Without reopening old sexual wounds and poking around 

Leaving me to heal from them

Whilst you walk around oblivious 

Oblivious because you weren’t “present” you say

Oblivious because you had lost your laptop that day 

Your mind was elsewhere

You couldn’t hear me        when I spoke 

But those words live here 

In my body 

Those words live 

I understand I still navigate trust like a child 

But, 

I never felt safe with you 

You ask me

You always ask me

What does it mean to feel safe around someone? 

You want me to define the paraments of my safety 

Spell out the letters, 

give the word a new meaning 

So you can evade understanding how you never were those things for me:       safe. 

And as you end the phone call

“we’re safe though, yeah?” 

I wonder what will it take for a man to put my care past his ego, 

And whether I’ll learn to stop holding my breath every time you instruct me to relax