Survivors of sexual abuse: Remembering we’re not alone
It goes without saying that we are currently living in very strange times.
For most of us, a nationwide lockdown is something we’ve never experienced before, so it’s only natural for us to be unsure how to react. Routines have been put on hold and returning to the version of ‘normal’ we’re used to can seem a long way away, but it’s important to remember that as survivors, we’re not going through this alone. Last week, the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse published a further 80 accounts that victims and survivors had shared with its Truth Project. Whilst many of us may still feel the impact of our experiences, the powerful words of these survivors remind us that we are far from being alone.
I began working for the Inquiry earlier this year, as a member of the Victims and Survivors Consultative Panel. Though current circumstances have affected our ability to meet and support each other as we’d like, I'm busy with Inquiry work; just last week we published a research report exploring the experiences of survivors' abused in custodial institutions. It provides a poignant reminder that even in these exceptional times, the risk and impact of abuse doesn't just disappear.
I have found myself adapting to new ways of working to continue to support both my therapy clients and myself while we self isolate at home. It’s a difficult time for us all, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the issues that have come up in my work.
Society is readjusting to a new reality. Certainly I have never experienced anything similar to this before. We all have a deeply personal connection to this global pandemic - a loved one in an at-risk group, worries about our own health and finances, the impact on our children’s education and shortages of food and medication.
Many of the survivors I work with find comfort in establishing clear boundaries and routine to feel safe. Right now, everything we think of as stable, true and real has been turned upside down and we are all doing our best to orientate ourselves with so many unknowns, leaving us with nothing to grasp hold of and feeling unsafe.
It can be tough to trust the advice given to keep us all safe, especially when your experiences may have left you feeling sceptical or let down, or you have a sense of being controlled by a greater authority. The term being used by the media - that we are placed “in lockdown” - can induce feelings of claustrophobia and confinement by a greater power.
As victims and survivors, isolation is something we have all worked so hard to overcome. The usual self-care strategies for everyone are temporarily out of reach, whether it is an exercise routine you need gym equipment for, or an outing with friends to look forward to. Coming up with new ways to feel safe, and keep healthy is a challenge, but I’ve found showering and getting dressed each morning, creating a structure for the day and doing something that makes me smile or brings pleasure, however small, can help give the day some purpose.
A crucial part of counselling is the therapeutic relationship, built on trust and over time. To ensure clients continue feeling supported, counselling and psychotherapy now needs to be accessed over the phone or online. Whilst this is in no way perfect and access isn’t easy for everyone, it’s one of the ways services have adapted over recent weeks and, as many survivors have told the Inquiry, it shows just how crucial the signposting and provision of support truly is.
Surviving sexual abuse can be an isolating experience. Not many people can relate to what we’ve experienced, and enforced isolation can heighten these feelings. Whilst there is of course no ‘one size fits all’ way of coping with something like this, there are steps we can take to adapt to this temporary way of life; listening to and supporting each other might be a good place to start.
Survivors of child sexual abuse who would like to share their experience in writing or over the phone, can find out more information by visiting the Truth Project website.
